Looking for The Lactivist? She's retired. But you CAN still find Jen blogging. These days, she's runs A Flexible Life. Join her for life, recipes, projects and the occasional rant.
As a fairly well endowed woman, it always strikes me as just a little bit funny when women wonder aloud if they can have breast implants and still breastfeed. Why? Because I always wondered if I could have breast reduction and still breastfeed.
I guess no one is happy exactly where they are, eh?
While I've done some research into breast reduction surgery and given it a bit of thought, I knew there were enough risks that I'd never be willing to consider reduction surgery unless I knew with 100% certainty I was done having babies and therefore, done breastfeeding.
Of course now that I'm in a position where I know my breastfeeding days are behind me, I've decided against breast reduction surgery for other reasons (including the fact that I'm a great big chicken), but I have no doubt there are still other women out there wondering the same thing.
So I thought I'd share my findings...
You CAN breastfeed after breast reduction...
...but how well you can do it depends on a lot of factors. Breast reduction does tend to put both your ability to nurse and your milk supply at greater risk than some of the other common breast surgeries. This makes sense if you think about it, as the removal of all that tissue makes it far more likely your milk ducts will be damaged.
What tends to happen after breast reduction surgery isn't that mother's can't breastfeed, but that they have to work quite a bit harder to establish and maintain a milk supply. That means these moms are at risk of needing to rely on some type of supplementation which in turn tends to make it harder to keep up a milk supply. It's sort of a downward spiral for most moms and since few health care providers know how to properly support these moms, most give up.
The thing I found interesting in my reading was the concept of recanalization. If you've never heard of it, it's basically the concept that as a mother lactates and produces milk and lactation related hormones, the milk ducts that had been previously severed will work to regenerate or even to build new pathways.
It also turns out that it's far more common for breastfeeding mothers who have had some type of breast related surgery to deal with a condition known as nipple vasospasm. This is when the nipple gets rigid and turns white. Basically, all the blood flow is squeezed out of the nipple for a period of time before blood flow returns. It can be quite painful, but can be treated with medication and changes in latch position.
Overall, the common consensus was that breastfeeding after breast reduction (or any type of breast surgery) was usually possible, but a heck of a lot more difficult.
If you'd like to do a bit more research on your own, you can check out some of the great resources I found on breast reduction surgery and its impact on breastfeeding.
BFAR - Breastfeeding After Breast and Nipple Surgeries. This is a wonderful resource site that talks not just about breast reduction surgery, but also about breast augmentation surgery, breast lifts, nipple surgeries and a variety of other things. (They've also got forums, so it's a great place to take your questions.)
Looking for The Lactivist? She's retired. But you CAN still find Jen blogging. These days, she's runs A Flexible Life. Join her for life, recipes, projects and the occasional rant.
It's always struck me as funny that breastfeeding is one of those things that requires a "course." After all, breastfeeding is one of the most natural things in the world. Moms and babies have been doing it for thousands of years. But now...moms who want to breastfeed their babies almost have to sign up for a course or class of some kind. After all, it's been generations since breastfeeding was the norm, so most of us can't count on friends and family to know fact from fiction.
Of course finding time during those last few weeks of pregnancy to register for and attend a breastfeeding course can be tough. No wonder moms are turning to the Internet trying to find online breastfeeding courses to take instead. I went and did a little searching myself and while I didn't find any specific online breastfeeding courses, I did run across some YouTube videos and sites that offer some quality information.
Now no online course is going to be a proper substitute for attending a breastfeeding class, but if you're looking to learn some of the basics of nursing your baby, the following online resources might be of use.
Breastfeeding Basics Video from Parents.com
Online Breastfeeding Basics Video from AskaMum
Avoid Breastfeeding Problems: Relieving Blocked Ducts from eHow
Looking for The Lactivist? She's retired. But you CAN still find Jen blogging. These days, she's runs A Flexible Life. Join her for life, recipes, projects and the occasional rant.
Many thanks to my friend Amber Tardiff-Watson for letting me know about an FDA warning about "Mommy's Bliss Nipple Cream." Apparently use of the cream can cause some health problems in nursing infants.
Here's a snippet from the warning:
The U.S. Food and Drug Administration is warning consumers not to use or purchase Mommy’s Bliss Nipple Cream, marketed by MOM Enterprises, Inc., because the product contains potentially harmful ingredients that may cause respiratory distress or vomiting and diarrhea in infants. The product is promoted to nursing mothers to help soothe and heal dry or cracked nipples. Product labeling specifically states that there is no need for mothers to remove the cream prior to nursing. However, the ingredients contained in the product may be harmful to nursing infants.
Potentially harmful ingredients in Mommy’s Bliss Nipple Cream are chlorphenesin and phenoxyethanol. Chlorphenesin relaxes skeletal muscle and can depress the central nervous system and cause respiratory depression (slow or shallow breathing) in infants. Phenoxyethanol is a preservative that is primarily used in cosmetics and medications. It also can depress the central nervous system and may cause vomiting and diarrhea, which can lead to dehydration in infants.
Mothers and caregivers should watch for a decrease in an infant’s appetite. More serious signs would be difficulty in awakening the child, limpness of extremities or a decrease in an infant’s strength of grip and a change in skin color. Please seek immediate medical attention if your child is showing these signs and symptoms.
Amber points out on her blog that if you HAVE used this product and you DO notice any problems, you should contact the FDA and let them know.
Consumers are strongly encouraged to report adverse events related to this product or any FDA approved product to MedWatch, the agency’s voluntary reporting program, by e-mail at www.fda.gov/medwatch/report.htm, or by phone at 800-332-1088, or by fax to 800-332-0178. Consumers may also mail reports of adverse events to MedWatch, Food and Drug Administration, 5600 Fishers Lane, Rockville, MD, 20852-9787.
Looking for The Lactivist? She's retired. But you CAN still find Jen blogging. These days, she's runs A Flexible Life. Join her for life, recipes, projects and the occasional rant.
Looking for The Lactivist? She's retired. But you CAN still find Jen blogging. These days, she's runs A Flexible Life. Join her for life, recipes, projects and the occasional rant.
We're making progress and so far, it's going pretty smoothly. That's not to say I think it will continue this way. I'm sure for every step forward, we're going to have nights that take giant leaps back. But then, that's why I figured I'd need four or five months to invest into weaning.
First, an update on Emmitt's ears.
Things got ugly over Thanksgiving and we ended up having to have the on-call doc call in a stronger prescription for us. That made for three, yes THREE rounds of antibiotics. Unfortunately, he seemed to end up with an outer ear infection as well, so we had to add drops to the mix. We agreed that I'd take the kids straight into the doc's office on Monday morning to have Emmitt's ear checked out.
As it turns out, the ear that had the ruptured eardrum was doing much better. Unfortunately, the other ear still looked horrible. In fact, the doctor said that eardrum was still at risk of rupturing. That meant we needed to kick it up yet another notch. We ended up doing a direct injection of antibiotics.
(On the plus side, he cried for about 15 seconds and then I had him laughing again. That's much better than twice a day scream sessions as we tried to get a teaspoon of liquid and five ear drops in him.)
We'll go back in on Friday to see if things are clearing up. If not, we'll have to do one more round of injections. If so, then we'll make an appointment with an ear nose and throat specialist. The doctor agreed that an ear infection of this magnitude the first go round was pretty darn rare. He said he's rarely seen it happen and when it does, it's usually because there's an anatomical issue. Rather than have Emmitt suffer through a few more rounds of this, we're going to have him checked out to see if there's a need for tubes. Then we'll start making some decisions.
The good news is that despite all this, his mood has been wonderful the last three days. He's been happy and cheerful and a ball of energy. I guess when you've been "awful sick" being just a "little sick" feels pretty good. ;)
I'd put weaning on hold last week as I saw no need to push things when he was clearly upset and in pain. The last two nights, he'd been pretty happy so I thought we might slowly work our way back into it.
Two nights ago, I got him read for bed and sat and sang him some songs. Then I put him in his crib and left. He was quiet for about fifteen minutes and then started to fuss. He fussed on and off for a few minutes before moving on into full blown crying. I went in, he nursed for about 10 minutes and went straight to sleep.
Amazingly, he slept until 4am when he briefly woke up, nursed and then slept until 8am.
WOOT!
Last night, I tried the same thing. Got him ready for bed, sat and rocked with him and sang a few rounds of songs. Then I put him in bed.
This time, he went to sleep.
I was astounded. In fact, I sat rooted on the couch for two hours convinced that if I moved a muscle, he'd immediately start crying and I'd have to go in and nurse him. (I'm weird like that.)
He slept until 3:30, woke up and nursed for a few minutes and then went back to bed until 7:30 this morning.
Amazing.
Here's hoping it works again tonight. We'll have to wait and see.
Looking for The Lactivist? She's retired. But you CAN still find Jen blogging. These days, she's runs A Flexible Life. Join her for life, recipes, projects and the occasional rant.
Well, still no luck moving forward with cutting out the before bedtime weaning session. As I mentioned, we came up to my parents' house for the long holiday weekend. We got here on Wednesday afternoon with plans to stay until Monday morning. I figured that gave us five nights for mom to try and put him to bed.
A fine and dandy plan, but Emmitt refused to sleep much in the car which meant no nap and a grumpy evening. I couldn't see the sense in adding to the grumpiness, so I went ahead and put him to bed on Wednesday night. Thursday morning he started acting insanely grumpy. I checked and his infected ear was just full of thick yellow mucus. By 11am, he was screaming bloody murder and inconsolable. He'd climb in my lap and immediately hurl himself to the floor, then he'd climb on Greg and scream to be let down. He did the same to my mom. The crying combined with tugging his ears had me calling the Drs office.
The on call doc called me back and we spent about twenty minutes chatting about symptoms and such. The doc said it sounded like he now had an outer ear infection to go along with the stubborn inner ear one. So, he called in a third round of antibiotics and some ear drops as well.
Needless to say, I didn't even try to have mom put him to bed that night.
On Friday, he was doing a lot better, but still not great. He was pretty calm around bedtime so mom took him up. Unfortunately, he wanted nothing to do with her. She spent about ten minutes trying to settle him, but he just kept fussing. (Not freaking out, just fussy) So, up I went to settle him into bed.
We'll see how things go tonight. He's laughing and playing with Greg right now, but he's been pretty fussy today. We're going to put their pajamas on, give him his meds, watch a Christmas cartoon and then mom will take him to bed. I figure I'll probably end up finishing the job again, but we'll see.
Good thing I have three months to wrap this up.
Curious though...I know many of you have night weaned your kids. Care to share how? If I could get him night weaned and could occassionally get some sleep, I'd be happy to keep the before bed session and work on weaning him from that starting at the end of January.
Looking for The Lactivist? She's retired. But you CAN still find Jen blogging. These days, she's runs A Flexible Life. Join her for life, recipes, projects and the occasional rant.
(I started this as a comment in response to Beth's post on the "Can You Believe in..." thread and quickly realized it would get lost in the comments. It needs to be a post of it's own, especially considering how much of the negativity these last few days comes from my comment about nursing toddlers. )
It's interesting to me how willing people are to take things out of context.
Beth just posted that she would no longer be linking to my blog because of the things I've said this week. While she's welcome to link to or not link to whomever she wants, she's taken my statements out of context twice. Thus, I feel the need to make corrections.
First, you'll note that I did not say "nursing a toddler is weird." I said "the idea of nursing a toddler weirds ME out."
There is, in fact, a distinct difference between the two. I have friends I've met through this blog and local parenting groups who nursed until their children were 2, 3, 4 and even older. I've hung out with women who were nursing four year olds. Doesn't bother me in the slightest. If mom and baby are happy, I'm happy.
If someone speaks up against them, I point out the benefits of extended nursing and explain the progression of nursing a child. Once you ask people "at exactly what age does it get "weird" most find they can't really answer it.
It's easy to look at a four year old and say "wow, that would be really weird to nurse a kid that old." But when you start to think about the fact that a child grows older one day at a time, it's easier to see how women nurse for so long.
I never breastfed Elnora. Breastfeeding tanked for us very early on and I ended up exclusively pumping for 14 months.
Until after Emmitt was born, I did not know anyone (outside of contacts on this blog) who had breastfed past a few weeks.
So to me, with no cultural context or example of anyone nursing beyond "infancy" the idea of nursing past six months seemed "weird."
Then I found myself nursing a six month old. A six month old who had aged one day at a time and there was NOTHING weird about it. In fact, it was beautiful.
And so we continued on with no end in sight.
Today, I find myself nursing a 14 month old and you know what? There's not a single thing weird about it. Not one. It's completely natural.
I look at Elnora, who just turned three and I think "wow, that would be so weird to be nursing her. She seems so old."
But I know that if I continued to nurse Emmitt and he got older one day at a time, each day would pass without being "weird."
One day, I'd be sitting here nursing an 18 month old and then a two year old and then a three year old. And it wouldn't be weird. It would just "be."
But without that experience, and with only a child who I've never breastfed to compare with, yes, it seems weird to me.
You want to think that's a horrible thing to say? That's fine. You're quite welcome to think anything of me that you like.
But let's stop and think about the word "weird" for a second.
I went and checked Google to call up some definitions of the word weird. Here's one that popped up.
strikingly odd or unusual
Now, let's look at the definitions of two more words.
odd: beyond or deviating from the usual or expected unusual: not commonly encountered
Hmmm...my use of the word weird in the context of my life sounds pretty spot on to me.
Now if I'd said "gross" or "disgusting" or "wrong" I could understand people being upset with me. I'd understand them questioning me as a breastfeeding advocate.
I'd understand them being up in arms.
But because I've been honest about the amazing progression in beliefs I've had in the three years since I first became a mother, I'm suddenly unworthy to advocate for breastfeeding rights.
Yeah, that makes sense.
Now, let me point out that I've never said I'm weaning Emmitt because I think he's too old to nurse. In fact, the ONLY way in which age plays into this decision is the fact that he is over twelve months which makes him capable of making the transition away from breastfeeding without needing to use formula.
Now, on to point two.
Beth wrote:
After everything you have written on this blog, after all you have done to stand up for a woman's right to breastfeed, this is how you really feel? You truly feel that women lose their right to their body when they breastfeed?
Honestly, this leaves me wondering if Beth has *really* read and digested my posts on this blog. I've actually been pretty clear from day one that I feel it's essential to give mothers the space to make the decision that is best for their FAMILY.
In fact, I in no way said what Beth quoted me as saying. What I actually said was this:
How can you possibly think you'll encourage more mothers to breastfeed by telling them that the day they begin a nursing relationship, they lose their right to their body and themselves?
In other words, I don't for a MOMENT believe a nursing mother loses the right to their body when they breastfeed. However, I DO feel that many of the women who have been jumping down my throat for daring to wean think this way. When I read comments like "You OWE your child two years" and "You HAVE to nurse for two years" I hear women saying that a mother must nurse no matter what the cost. That the child's right to breastmilk supercedes any and all other issues in life.
Not only do I not believe that, I think it's that type of thinking that has made the battle to increase breastfeeding rates so difficult.
You want women to nurse to two years or longer? Fantastic! Equip them to meet that goal. Equip them by understanding that not every mom can nurse on demand for two years, nor should she have to. Help her to realize there's middle ground. There is not "nurse on demand" and "don't nurse at all." There's also "set limits." Give moms the honest and real information that will help them meet those challenging goals without sacrificing their ability to be a good mom.
You want to send women running to the other side of the fence with complaints about "those breastfeeding harpies?" Try telling them what a bad mother they are because they aren't willing to make sacrifices you know nothing about. I don't care how hard your life is. By it's very definition, there's only one woman in the world who has "the hardest life." Everyone else? There will always be someone with a bigger sob story. Since you don't know where on the spectrum other people fall, I'd suggest you reserve your judgement for something else.
You want to make a difference in the world and help more women breastfeed their babies for longer periods of time? Try having a little more compassion and exercising a lot less judgement. Try offering up education and advice based on real life and the place a woman is in at a particular point in time.
I didn't start this blog to make everyone in the world happy. I started this blog to share my honest thoughts and opinions on the life of a nursing mother. My hope was that as I grew and learned things, I could share them with other moms who would grow and learn as well.
If people have a problem with what I'm doing here, they're welcome to read other blogs or to start their own. I never claimed to be the one and only place on the Internet to go for talk about breastfeeding. I only claimed to be one woman doing things the best way I know how and as long as men and women continue showing up here to read what I have to say, I'm going to keep saying it.
So I suppose the one really great thing that came out of all this was the motivation to keep going and the realization that it doesn't matter one lick if I'm still breastfeeding or not.
Looking for The Lactivist? She's retired. But you CAN still find Jen blogging. These days, she's runs A Flexible Life. Join her for life, recipes, projects and the occasional rant.
So I've alluded to the fact that I'm weaning in a few posts, but I've been so absent for the last two months, you're all sort of in the dark about the process. Now that I've decided to stick around a bit (and have had a burst of blogging inspiration), I figured it was a good time to bring you up to speed.
Cause I know you all log in every day just wondering about the current state of my breasts. ;)
It's hard to believe, but I haven't written about my personal experience or thoughts on breastfeeding since May. If you've been reading here awhile, you probably remember my post called "The Dark Side of Breastfeeding." It certainly got a response from readers. ;)
There's a reason I haven't written about nursing since then.
It's because things didn't get better for me. Sure, I've survived and six months later, I'm still a nursing mother...but the warm fuzzies that were so strong for those first six or seven months have faded.
I am SO ready to be done nursing. I've BEEN so ready to be done nursing. Unfortunately, Emmitt isn't quite there yet.
When I originally started nursing Emmitt, I decided I was going to aim for 18 months. I just didn't think I could pull off two years (outside my comfort zone) but I felt like I didn't really need to stop at a year either. 18 months has always been sort of my mental point at which babies turn into toddlers and while I fully support toddler nursing, it's just not for me.
Unfortunately, around 10 and a half months, Emmitt developed this nasty habit of not quite biting me, but of latching with his teeth. It was horribly painful and I simply could not break him of it. Of course he also still wasn't sleeping through the night, often waking three or four times. Basically, I hit that wall where I started getting annoyed every time he wanted to nurse. I was absolutely, 100% ready to be done.
Of course there was no way I was going to wean him prior to 12 months because I simply was not going to buy formula. (I'm cheap. lol)
So I pushed on. Thankfully the "bite-latch" only lasted about two weeks.
At eleven months, I decided he was nursing enough overnight to justify cutting back during the day. At this point he was only nursing before his two naps, before bed and overnight. He was drinking some juice and water from a sippy cup, so I started offering him a sippy cup with meals. At eleven months, I started putting him down for his early nap without nursing him. Amazingly, he seemed to have no problem with it.
About three weeks later, he fell asleep in the car on the way home from Mango's Place. Since he always took his afternoon nap as soon as we got home, I carried him in and set him in the crib with my fingers crossed. Sure enough, he went straight to sleep with nary a peep.
The next day, I carried him in at nap time, changed his diaper, sang him a song (Puff the Magic Dragon) and picked him up. He arched his back like he does when he's ready to lay down, so I put him in his crib. He went right to sleep.
WOOT.
It was around that time I got a request to go to Tuscaloosa, Alabama for three days to do some in-house training. Of course no one was available to go with me except for mom. That meant I either had to take mom AND two kids, or leave both kids at home with mom. I couldn't see lugging two kids and mom to Tuscaloosa, so I decided to go without him. Of course mom told me she wouldn't keep Emmitt overnight unless he was weaned. (Can't say I blame her.)
The training was scheduled for the Mon-Wed after Thanksgiving.
That gave me two months to finish weaning him.
I hate deadlines.
Why? Because anytime you set a deadline, something happens to make you miss it.
Since we'd successfully managed three full weeks of nursing only before bed and during the night, I figured his first birthday was a good time to try getting him to bed at night without nursing. Emmitt had other plans.
It was right around that time nature decided he should sprout four molars and three incisors. We spent four full weeks with teeth bursting through left and right. There was simply no way I could cut out bedtime nursing when we were having to dose him up with Tylenol nearly every night for any chance at sleep.
So weaning was delayed. Now I was a month away from my Alabama trip. Unless I flat out denied him any chance of nursing, I couldn't see us making it, so I cancelled the trip.
About three weeks ago, I went to visit my parents for a long weekend. The plan was to have her try and get him to bed at night, so I wasn't trying to settle him down without letting him nurse. Emmitt had other plans.
The first night we were there, he started running a fever. Little did I know, that fever would last a full week and would then turn into a raging double ear infection that defied antibiotics and resulted in a ruptured ear drum a week later.
I couldn't bring myself to try and wean him from before-bed nursing when he was suffering from a raging fever and severe ear aches. On the plus side, he only once got bad enough during the day that I had to nurse him to settle him down. (On the bad side there were nights where we were up and nursing 8 or 9 times.)
So here I sit, with a baby who is soon be 14 months. We're two months past when I hoped to wean, but I've promised myself that no matter how badly I want to be done, I'll wean him gently.
Thankfully, I'm heading home to my parents again this Wednesday for the long Thanksgiving weekend. So long as Emmitt stays happy and healthy, we're back to our plan of having mom settle him into bed each night without me nursing him. I'll still nurse him if he wakes up in the night, but we're going to see if mom can get him to sleep.
Please, please cross your fingers and say a prayer for us. ;)
Of course I've managed to end up with a deadline again. I've got an overnight trip (just me) to Chicago on December 4th for a conference.
It's funny really...back when I posted about weaning from pumping, I mentioned wanting to have it all wrapped up before I headed to a conference in Chicago. Two years later, I find myself looking at my first overnight trip (to the same city for the same conference) without Emmitt and wondering if he'll be weaned before then.
That trip is two weeks away. He takes a sippy cup well enough for him to survive one night away from me, but I'm hoping he doesn't make Greg miserable by being a crazy, fussy baby.
I've got two weeks to find out. I'll certainly be encouraging it (with mom's help) but I'm not going to push it.
All that said, my "drop-dead" quitting date is February 21st. On that day, Greg and I will board a plane to London. I'm doing a conference there and we've decided to stay awhile and spend a bit of time in Europe. We haven't really had a vacation since our honeymoon and since our airfare is covered, we figured this was a good chance to take one. We'll be gone for 11 days. Mom is keeping the kids. Emmitt HAS to be weaned by then.
Surely I can pull this off in three more months, right?
Looking for The Lactivist? She's retired. But you CAN still find Jen blogging. These days, she's runs A Flexible Life. Join her for life, recipes, projects and the occasional rant.
Welcome to the latest Carnival of Breastfeeding! This month's topic is a spin on the NPR's "This I Believe" series of essays. You'll find my post here followed by links to other participants in the carnival.
There's a phrase I remind myself of when the going gets rough.
"The things most worth doing in life are hard."
Maybe it's because I'm such a Robert Frost fan, maybe it's become I come from a very long line of "work as hard as you have to to make it work" types. Either way, I firmly believe in taking risks, making mistakes, committing myself and seeing it through the long haul.
I look back on the things I've done that were the hardest and I find they are the things I'm most happy to have accomplished. Working my way through college to avoid taking loans, taking on jobs I wasn't fully qualified for, being married for seven years, working to build a business while staying home with my kids...breastfeeding.
Yes, breastfeeding.
There are a ton of moms out there who will tell you how easy breastfeeding is. That it's so much simpler than bottle feeding. That "the first few weeks are tough, but once you have the hang of it, it's easy!"
Maybe it is for them. It's not for me.
Sure, after a rough first week I sailed through the next six months, but once I got past the six month mark breastfeeding became incredibly difficult.
Combine a child who won't take a bottle (or sippy cup) with a child who doesn't sleep through the night. Then throw in an early teether who doesn't bite, but enjoys a nice game of Gumby-nipple and you have a not-quite-so-pleasant experience.
In fact, as I noted in my post "The Dark Side of Breastfeeding," nursing isn't all warm cuddly babies and blissful milk grins. I imagine some of my regular readers have wondered how things have been going since I wrote that post. It's really the last personal update on breastfeeding I've posted here. (Though I really will get a reflection on a year of breastfeeding up.)
The truth is, it hasn't gotten much better. After ages of aiming for 18 months of nursing, I'm now actively (but slowly) working to wean Emmitt. I simply cannot take it any more. For me, for our family, breastfeeding is HARD.
Would I do it again if I had another child?
In a heartbeat.
I know I'll look back on breastfeeding and be so thankful I did it. Getting breastmilk into Emmitt for a full year (and counting) has been one of the things I'm most proud of as a parent. It's also been one of the hardest things I've done as a parent.
My readers know I don't sugar-coat breastfeeding in an attempt to make it more attractive to moms who are still making up their minds. I do this because I know how difficult it can be. I also know how many times I sat here wondering why it was "so much easier" for everyone else.
I got through by reminding myself that not every mom has it so easy. Sometimes the ones who have a hard time with it just aren't as vocal. I also got through by reminding myself that the things worth doing in life are often the most difficult.
Breastfeeding is a wonderful, fulfilling and healthy thing for a mother and child.
But it's not always easy.
To new moms thinking of breastfeeding or already struggling with it, I say this:
You aren't alone in wondering if you can make it. Many moms have been exactly where you are now. You'll have good days and bad days. Blissful days of milk smiles and twirling fingers and tear-inducing days of screaming frustration. You'll thank the heavens for being able to settle a baby in the middle of the night without making a bottle and you'll pull out your hair wondering when you might ever get a free minute to yourself again.
Remind yourself that breastfeeding may well be the first really difficult thing you do as a parent. Instead of using that as a reason to avoid it, embrace it. Parenting is a life-long journey that will ask you to stretch yourself beyond what you thought possible time and time again. You'll walk your children through bullies, first loves, broken hearts, frustrations with Algebra (maybe that was just me) and many more things. (That's if you're lucky...otherwise things will be even harder.)
Parenting is hard. Living life is hard. Look at breastfeeding as practice for the challenges of parenting that will follow.
Looking for The Lactivist? She's retired. But you CAN still find Jen blogging. These days, she's runs A Flexible Life. Join her for life, recipes, projects and the occasional rant.
Aside: That may be my record for most uses of parenthesis in a post title...
Now that I'm nursing a toddler myself (Emmitt's over a year and he walks, I guess that makes him a toddler, right?) I'm interested in seeing how my thoughts and opinions have changed over the years.
I remember when I had wrapped up pumping with Elnora (at 13 months) and was writing this blog. My best friend and her cousin were over and somehow the subject of toddler nursing came up. As someone who swore she'd only nurse to six months while pregnant with my first, I had to laugh when I heard those familiar phrases pop out of their mouths.
"If they're old enough to ask for it, they're too old to nurse." "If they can walk, they should be done breastfeeding." "I just don't get that, nursing a two year old is gross."
They weren't being malicious, they were mostly just repeating things they'd heard over the years. Neither had kids and I was the first of their friends to venture into baby rearing and breastfeeding.
It was funny to find myself defending toddler nursing and trying to educate them on a few points.
"Well, Elnora didn't talk until she was around two, so I guess that was her cut-off age?" (said with a wink.)
"Then again, she walked at 10 months, so I guess I should have weaned sooner? Would have sucked to have had to pay for formula those last two months."
"Did you ever stop to think that you don't just suddenly nurse a two year old. You nurse a baby who grows older day by day. On what specific day does it suddenly become "gross?"
They thought about it for a minute.
"But it just seems so weird!"
I pointed out that sure, it was weird, because we don't see it very often. Then again, it happens far more often than they'd ever imagine and really...there's NOTHING wrong with it.
It struck me as funny to hear how my own opinions had changed. I still couldn't picture myself nursing a toddler, but I had absolutely zero issues with it if someone else was doing it. (I get a little uncomfortable with the idea when the kid is approaching school age, but hey, to each their own.)
That's why I was interested to read a post over at Compulsive Writer this week called "Nursing Toddlers is the New Black." In it, occasional Lactivist commenter Azucar shares her own experience of nursing a toddler and points out that she did it long before Gwen Stefani made it "cool."
When I told my mom and dad that I was planning on going until El Guille was at least two they were pleased. I kind of joked with my dad that at least Guille would stop by the time he went to school. "Why? The longer, the better." said my dad, quite seriously. School age is a little over the line, for me anyway. My in-laws weren't as openly supportive. My mother-in-law thought it was a little strange, but she's a really good person who believes that I'm the mother and I make the best decisions for my babies. I love her for that.
Some people think that when you're nursing a toddler it's like nursing a newborn: every two hours and time intensive. It's not at all. For us, we nursed twice a day, occasionally three times, from age 16 months to 22 months. At 22 months, he refused to sit still and wanted to play first thing, not nurse. Hey! Fine by me! We kept our bedtime nursing for the next seven months. He gradually slowed down, dropping a session here and there: he went to every other day, to twice a week, then once, and then it was over. El Guille weaned himself: no tears, no drama, and no big deal. So much for the "If you don't wean before a year they'll NEVER stop" crowd. He stopped when he was ready, and that's what I wanted for him.
It was a great post, I found myself nodding along in agreement. I may not feel like long term toddler nursing is for me, but I do wish people were a little more understanding of the choice and respected the mothers who decide to follow their children's cues on the issue.
She wraps it up with a great point:
Here's the deal: until moms start coming out of that back bedroom and telling other people, extended nursing is going to seem strange. There's nothing wrong with nursing into childhood, it's how humans were biologically designed. I know it's not for everyone, but it is natural. I want other women to understand that it's ok to listen to your heart and make decisions that might seem unusual to other Americans.
I've honestly been amazed to find out how many people I know who have nursed toddlers in the last year or so. When I was growing up, the only time I'd ever heard of it was the "crazy mom" down the street who was a LLLL and nursed her boys until they were 3 or 4. I stand by my opinion that she was a little "off" though I no longer think the toddler nursing is cause for that judgement. ;)
It's been especially interesting to learn about extended nursers in my industry. My regular readers know I travel quite a bit speaking at conferences and seminars and teaching small businesses about online marketing. My work with the Lactivist has led to a ton of interesting discussions with folks I've known professionally for years. I remember doing a radio interview last year and finding out that the wife of someone I respect immensely was still night-nursing their 2.5 year old. I've had emails from readers of my industry site sharing their stories and of course conversation about "what I do for a living" has led perfect strangers to share their own stories.
Heck, one of my regular commenters here (Hi Abby!) is a woman I've known through church for years. I had no idea she was a staunch breastfeeding proponent or a supporter of toddler nursing until she showed up here and started sharing her thoughts.
It's out there. People are nursing well past a year. Not very many of them, but far more than you'd imagine.
So what about you guys? How many of you still have issues with toddler nursing and are willing to fess up? How many of you have found yourself supporting it (or doing it) after years of spouting off lines like I listed above?
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You'd think a topic like sleep would unite mothers everywhere. After all, who doesn't believe that getting some sleep is a good thing?
The reality is that sleep is like anything else related to babies. It's unpredictable. What works for one mother and child may not work for another.
In fact, my own family is the perfect example of this. Elnora began sleeping through the night (12 solid hours) at 7 weeks of age and did not wake up a single night until she was 7 months old. For the next several months, she woke up about once a night, but generally went back to sleep pretty easily if I rocked her with a bottle or sippy cup of my expressed milk. (For new readers, I exclusively pumped for the first 13 months of Elnora's life.)
Honestly? I never understood what the big deal about using bottles was. I made up two bottles each night and put them in an insulated bag with an ice pack before we headed up to bed. When Elnora woke up, I'd set the bottle upside down under the sink with hot water running over it and go change her diaper. By the time I had her diaper changed, the bottle was warm enough for her to drink. We'd settle into the rocking chair in her room, I'd sing her a song as she drank her milk and then I'd put her back in her crib and head back to bed.
We never had to deal with any night crying until she was seven months old and started waking up again. Then, she'd occasionally cry out in her sleep. She was a night fusser, but we learned over time that the more actively we tried to comfort her, the more frustrated she'd become. It was like she couldn't unwind with the extra stimuli. Our rule quickly began to give her five minutes to fuss before we'd go and check on her. Nine times out of ten, she'd fuss for a few minutes and then go back to sleep.
Overall, life was fairly easy in terms of sleep. With just Elnora around, I was able to take naps during the day when she took naps, so while I was tired, I was never "beat."
Emmitt couldn't be more different.
Nursed at the breast from the start, Emmitt began life nursing once an hour and didn't quit until he was nearly two months old. With a 22 month old in the house to care for (who was down to one nap a day), sleeping while Emmitt slept was not an option. Add in the fact that I work from home and nap time had to become work time by default.
I'd like to say it ended there, but even when he stopped nursing on the hour, he simply moved to nursing every two or two and a half hours. Even today, at just shy of a year, he still wakes up a minimum of twice a night and often three or four times a night. I honestly believe that hell is someone poking you to keep you awake for all eternity. He's been in our room from the start, in a bassinet next to my side of the bed. At three months he transitioned to a pack n play and at six months we moved the crib into our room and put him in that.
In the early days, he spent about half the time in our bed and about half the time in his. By five months, he was sitting up and rolling all over creation and I had to start putting him in his crib after each feeding.
While sleep deprivation is bad, the hallucinations and black outs are worse.
During those first six months, I'd wake up, gather him in my arms, change his diaper on our bed and then lay down to nurse him. That's where my memories ended. I would wake up and start frantically searching through the covers for him, having no memory of putting him back in his crib. On a weekly basis, I'd have complete hallucinations.
This is the point at which I would have done almost anything to get more than two hours of sleep in a row.
Unfortunately, I sit here typing this entry as Emmitt nears his first birthday and things aren't much better. Emmitt woke up six times last night. Four of those times I had to get up with him to nurse him. The other two times, he woke up, rolled around, played for a few minutes and went back to sleep.
Like Elnora, he occasionally cries for a bit as he goes to sleep as well. There have been nights where I've spent two and a half hours trying to get him to sleep because I didn't want to let him cry. There have been other nights where I let him cry for less than five minutes and he was out like a light. The same goes for nap time. As much as I don't like to let children cry, the reality is that when you have two kids in two years, you're going to have a point in time where they both need you at once. Sometimes that means one of them has to cry and sometimes, that someone is the baby.
Night weaning is heavily on my mind.
It's been nearly 18 months since I've slept more than five hours straight and even that has happened only a handful of times. I'm a grumpy person. I'm not near the wife or mother I'd like to be. I would say I dream of the night I can sleep six, seven or even eight hours, but I rarely sleep long enough to dream.
I honestly don't remember what it's like to feel awake. I have no recollection of having energy.
I've decided that as soon as Emmitt is weaned, I am going away for a weekend, whether anyone comes with me or not. I don't care where I go, as long as it has a comfy bed and a Jacuzzi tub.
No, you can't come with me. It'd be dull anyway. All I'm going to do is sleep.
Check out the rest of the entries in this month's Carnival of Breastfeeding:
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From the current (August 2007) issue of Parent's Magazine.
THE CLAIM Breast milk is best for babies.
THE TRUTH: Study after study has documented that breast milk can boost a baby's immune system and IQ and lower his risk for diabetes, obesity, even ADHD. So it's no wonder that the AAP recommends exclusive breastfeeding for the first 6 mo. after birth. But not everyone is convinced that mother's milk is a panacea. "Most benefits associated with breastfeeding probably have as much to do with the child's environment and the family's socioeconomic status," says Parents advisor Darshak Sanghavi, M.D., author of A Map of the Child: A Pediatrician's Tour of the Body. "They're not due to some magical substance in breast milk."
THE BOTTOM LINE: Women who want to should certainly breastfeed, but don't feel guilty if you can't.
(bolding is mine...)
Now, I read that and I see this...
Study after study has shown over and over that breast milk has benefits that cannot be reproduced by formula use.
But this ONE doctor says s/he doesn't believe it.
Therefore, that ONE doctor may be a moron. I know I'd be switching to another health care provider if MY doctor chose to ignore medical fact in favor of their own theory.
Unfortunately, millions and million of women will read that, ignore the studies and say "well that person says it's not true and s/he is a DOCTOR! See!!! I told you there was no difference between breast milk and formula."
Let's hear it for responsible reporting.
Want to share your opinion on their idea of educating their readers? Use their online contact form.
This is the type of thing that reminds me over and over why I don't give my hard earned money to the publishers of any of these parenting type magazines...
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Some of the shots are just amazing. (Especially the wide eyed little girl leaning against her mom's belly and the very close shot of a baby nursing in mom's lap.)
These pictures make me think I need to get a really good posed shot of Emmitt nursing while he's still at it.
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World Breastfeeding Week kicks off tomorrow. From August 1st-7th people around the world will come together to uplift, support and educate moms about the importance of breastfeeding, especially during that crucial first hour.
In support of World Breastfeeding Week Near Mama's Heart author Colleen Newman is hosting a drive to donate old breastfeeding books to the 2nd Annual World Breastfeeding Week Book Release Challenge.
Last year's drive was launched by Julie Johnson, a Bookcrosser that is also a La Leche League leader. Her efforts saw more than 150 books being shared last year. Colleen has taken up the cause this year and is hoping to double that number.
Colleen writes:
All releases must be about breastfeeding, such as breastfeeding ‘how to' books (i.e. "The Nursing Mother's Companion") or breastfeeding advocacy books (i.e. "Milk, Money and Madness".)
Books can also be children's books that show pictures of breastfeeding or depict breastfeeding as a normal part of family life (i.e. "Near Mama's Heart" or "Mama, Mama".)
Books should be released in places where pregnant or new mothers are likely to catch them, such as childbirth classes, baby-type stores, WIC offices, OB offices, etc.
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Welcome to the June Carnival of breastfeeding! This month, we're focusing on dads and their impact on breastfeeding. While I'd hoped to have Greg write today's post about what it's like to be married to The Lactivist, things just didn't work out for him to get it written in time. (I'll have him do it somewhere down the road though.)
As I sit down to write this at the last second (It's 3:51pm and I need to have it posted by 5pm) I realize that "second" is an important number in the life of a breastfeeding dad. Especially in the life of my kid's breastfeeding dad.
For example...
1.) Dads often have to come "second" to babies during those first few months. 2.) Dads serve as an essential "second" pair of hands when dealing with nurslings.
and perhaps most importantly (at least in my family)...
3.) Dads are the secret weapon that can you get through the dreaded "second night" of breastfeeding.
It's that third point that I really want to hit on, but first I need to pay a little homage to dads on the first few points.
Coming Second to Baby
Any new mother will tell you that a new baby, especially a breastfeeding baby, takes up every single second of her spare time. A breastfeeding baby can't wait to eat, especially in those early days. Since mom's the only one that can do the feeding, a dad has to be understanding and supportive while playing the waiting game.
Of course there's also the obvious issue of your baby seeing your breasts more times in a day than your husband does in a week. ;)
Greg did an amazing job of playing the patience game after the birth of each of our children. With Elnora, that meant not only coming second after Elnora's needs, but also coming after the needs of that darn pump. My schedule required me to pump at 10:30pm for more than six months. Since Greg heads to bed early, that meant going to bed without me for months on end. It was his support that allowed me to get my milk into Elnora for 14 months, despite not breastfeeding.
Second Pair of Hands
In terms of a second pair of hands, I have no idea how I would have survived life with Emmitt without Greg around to help out. Sure, I manage with two kids during the day, but what would I do at 8:30 when it's time for both of them to go to bed? How would I keep Elnora from running off in a restaurant while I'm nursing Emmitt? (Good grief, how do you single parents do it?!)
Greg has stepped up to the plate big time to become Elnora's best buddy while I nurse Emmitt. He puts her to bed each night while I put Emmitt to bed. He sits with her and helps her if we go out to eat so that I can tend to Emmitt. He brings me a drink or something to eat if I'm nursing. He does what I can't do and generally makes life much easier.
The Second Night of Nursing
This one gets filed in the "oh I wish I'd known" files. When Emmitt was a few months old, I heard a lactation consultant mention "the dreaded second night." I asked around a bit and found out that most every breastfeeding mom I spoke with ran into some type of awful problem on that second night. In fact, it was the "make it or break it" night for many moms...myself included.
To those in the "know," the second night is a night where dad's support (or the support of SOMEONE) can be an absolute lifesaver in terms of the nursing relationship.
For example, let's look back on my own "second night" experiences.
Elnora was born in the hospital at 1:30am. Greg stayed with us in our room that night and woke up with me every couple of hours to change Elnora and bring her to me to nurse. The first nice went pretty smoothly and I sailed confidently into the second day thinking this nursing stuff was pretty easy.
Until Greg decided to go home to let the dog out and check on some things and ended up staying there the second night to get caught up on sleep. I was still tender enough that I couldn't get in and out of bed while holding Elnora, so the nurses took her to the nursery. The problem was, it took me four hours to get her back. I finally had to threaten to go get her myself. By the time they brought her in, she was going nuts and wouldn't settle down to nurse.
Hours and hours of screaming and crying (by both of us) and intervention by an incompetent nurse threw us into a downward spiral. Before long, Elnora would begin screaming whenever she came near the breast. We worked with an LC and got nowhere. Jaundice and weight loss followed and not knowing much, we found ourselves "forced" to supplement. (Thankfully, I at least did it with my milk which led to my exclusive pumping.)
Fast forward 22 months later to the birth of Emmitt.
Emmitt was born on the futon on our back porch. I nursed him an hour later (in the recliner I'm sitting in as I type this) and again, the first two days went beautifully. Then we hit the second night.
Suddenly, my wonderful nursling became a screaming maniac that wouldn't settle down, couldn't organize and refused to nurse. I tried everything. Swaddling, unswaddling, singing, swaying, skin to skin, laying down, standing up...the kid would not nurse. I was still sleeping in the recliner out here on the porch because I was getting up once an hour. Greg was in our bedroom on the first floor and he heard Emmitt crying.
He came out to check on us and found me rocking back and forth on the futon saying "I will not get the pump, I will not get the pump, I will not get the pump." All I could think of was how much easier it would be to pump some milk and give him a bottle, but I was terrified of heading down the same road we'd walked the first time around.
That's when Greg became my hero.
He got me calmed down and settled Emmitt and I both into the recliner. Then as I, quite literally, passed out from lack of sleep, HE got Emmitt calmed down, latched on and nursing. It took him about 45 minutes, but soon both Emmitt and I were sound asleep in the recliner as Emmitt nursed away.
If Greg hadn't come out to check on us, I'm not sure I wouldn't have broken down and gotten that pump out. If I had, who knows where we'd be. But thanks to Greg's willingness to be patient when I couldn't, we survived that night and things picked right back up the next day.
Still Number One
Greg may play "seconds" in a lot of areas right now, but he's still the love of my life and my best friend. In fact, it's his willingness to be second, and his understanding about our children's needs that make him number one in my book.
What Does Everyone Else Have to Say?
For more perspective on fathers and breastfeeding, check out the plethora of entries into this month's carnival:
Looking for The Lactivist? She's retired. But you CAN still find Jen blogging. These days, she's runs A Flexible Life. Join her for life, recipes, projects and the occasional rant.
Apparently, the United States isn't the only place this happens...
I had an email this morning about the case of Janipher Maseko, a woman living in the UK after immigrating there at age 14 from Uganda that has been detained by the government, separated from her children and was refused access to a breast pump or lactation consultant to help her maintain her milk supply.
Oh yeah, it happened early enough that she was still bleeding lochia from the birth.
After a bit of a search, I was able to turn up an article on the Guardian that confirms the story (though not all of the details.) In fact, it explains that policies have been put in place to keep this very thing from happening after some widely publicized cases in the last few years. And yet...it's happened again.
Ms Maskeo has been kept away from her children for almost two weeks, despite concerns about her health and that of her children. It is also claimed that, at Yarl's Wood she has been denied access to a breast pump to relieve her pain and allow her to continue to lactate.
Ms Maseko has now been told she will be reunited with her children, but only after a concerted campaign by experts, charities, MPs and the Liberal Democrat peer Lord Avebury.
Lesley Page is a professor in midwifery at King's College London and one of many who took up the case, raising concerns with the immigration minister Liam Byrne, who last year accepted the need to end the practice of separating breastfeeding mothers from their children.
In a letter to Mr Byrne on Sunday, Prof Page said: "Ms Maseko is extremely distraught and desperate to see her children. Her breasts are full of milk and she is in constant pain. Her children need to be urgently reunited with their mother.
"The forcible separation of the mother from her very young children and our failure to provide her and her family with essential health care and support is an act that is so inhumane its difficult to believed that it would happen."
The UK listserv Mumsnet has more details:
Ms Janipher Maseko, aged 18, who had fled rape and violence in Uganda and sought asylum in the UK four years ago as an unaccompanied minor, contacted BWRAP on 18 May from Yarl's Wood Immigration Removal Centre through a fax written with the assistance of other detained women whom BWRAP is helping. Ms Maseko was terrified that she would be deported without her newborn son and one-year-old daughter from whom she had been separated for about 10 days.
Through daily phone calls and co-ordinating with others at the detention centre who have helped, we have put together the basic facts of Ms Maseko's ordeal. Ms Maseko's asylum claim had been closed in March 2007 when she was heavily pregnant. Hillingdon Social Services, responsible for her at the time, immediately stopped all support and evicted her and her baby daughter.
Staff at Hillingdon Hospital had to press Social Services to rehouse her. But at the end of April, a week after her son was born, Social Services evicted her again and threw away all her belongings. Ms Maseko tried to reach a friend in Brighton and was sleeping rough in Crawley when passers-by found her and called the police. Sussex Social Services put her babies into foster care even though she was breastfeeding her infant son and there was no cause to doubt her fitness and eagerness to care for her children – Ms Maseko needed shelter, money and healthcare. No arrangements were made to help her keep in touch with her children. Still bleeding after childbirth and with engorged breasts, Ms Maseko was held in a cell for four days without a shower or change of clothes.
Ms Maseko was taken to Yarl's Wood. She was still given no change of clothes or toiletries. In great pain in her breasts and groin, and unable to sleep, she received no healthcare from SERCO, the multinational company running Yarl's Wood. She wanted to breastfeed when her son was returned, but SERCO offered her no help to express her milk and maintain her milk production. This is not an isolated example of mistreatment – many other women are suffering under SERCO's regime.
I'm still trying to get confirmation of what I'm reading online, but it looks like things are *starting* to look up...
We were greatly encouraged by the immediate and practical response of the breastfeeding sisterhood beginning with Sheila Kitzinger, whose compassion and dedication we have always been able to count on, Lesley Page, former Joint Head of Midwifery at St Thomas Hospital, and Morgan Gallagher, who started Nursing Matters to support breastfeeding mothers caught up in the asylum system, as well as Lord Avebury. This response included contacting the press, MPs and relevant officials, organising local breastfeeding support, writing letters, providing expert and background information, and sending Ms Maseko money to keep open her life line to BWRAP – her mobile phone. Condemnation of Ms Maseko's treatment forced the authorities to reunite Ms Maseko and her traumatised children two weeks after they were taken.
IWCN asked Alistair Burt MP, whose constituency includes Yarl's Wood, to arrange for Ms Maseko to have the expert help she needed to resume breastfeeding. As a result Yarl's Wood management agreed to allow one local designated person with relevant expertise to see her as needed. At the last minute the immigration authorities and SERCO reneged, asserting that SERCO would only provide "appropriate" support.
Their contract is worth £87 million but they did nothing – one visitor was told "breastfeeding can wait". Despite this, due to Ms Maseko's determination and some timely advice before her children were returned, Ms Maseko's breast milk is returning. She is, however, worried about her children‘s health and how they were cared for by Sussex Social Services – the daughter lost weight; the son didn't grow – as well as the long-term effect of their traumatic forced parting from her.
Right now, here's what the groups working with Ms. Maseko have asked us to do:
1. Urge that Ms Maseko and her children be immediately released, housed, supported and granted asylum, and that there be a prompt independent investigation into her treatment by SERCO and all those in authority who were responsible for her care.
Victoria Jones, Director of Yarl's Wood, Fax: 01234 821152
Remember to copy your letter to bwrap@dircon.co.uk or fax it to 020 7209 4761
I've got an email in to Morgan Gallagher to see if I can get confirmation and some additional information for you. Until then, she does have updates posted on her blog...the latest as of this writing is that Ms. Maseko has been reunited with her children but will be deported to Uganda on June 1st. The children have received deportation/removal orders too, but there is not yet confirmation that they will be placed on the same plane.
While you can read her entire post, here's one little bit that I want to especially highlight:
Despite official neglect, Ms Maseko has managed to return Colin to her breast and is hoping to dispense with Powdered Infant Formula as quickly as she can. Thre is real pressure on this now, as if she is returned to Africa before this occurs, the health risks to Colin are immense - especially as she will have no support in whatever country she is returned to.
Keep in mind that this isn't JUST about deporting a family...it's about first putting the long-term health of this baby at risk by a forced separation that could have led to the end of breastfeeding prior to sending the mother and child back to a country lacking in clean water supply and in ready/affodable access to formula. In other words, even if you don't have a problem with the deportation, it's hard to argue that this treatment can be in any way excused or justified.
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Whew! It was a long holiday weekend and I enjoyed some much needed time offline (two whole days, can you even imagine?!) That said, it also means that I missed out on posting a TON of Lactivist related news, so here we go with a rapid fire approach to the latest and greatest breastfeeding news...
There is a second probable contributor to the problem and that's the increased rate of nursing and increased rate of duration of nursing in American populations. So over the past 30 years for very good reasons, for the health of infants, more and more mothers are nursing their babies. We have gone from a nursing rate of about 25 percent roughly a quarter of babies being nursed by their mothers to about 75 percent. The average duration that mothers nurse their infants now is about twice as great as it was 30 years ago. This is a positive and good and healthy thing. The problem is that these chemicals are concentrated in breast milk at a level of about six fold as they are in regular body tissues. Because they are concentrated in fat, in a sense the mother is concentrating these poisons and delivering them in relatively high dose levels to infants.
What I'll find interesting is to see how it will get spun if it makes the mainstream news... Will it be that women should avoid breastfeeding because of this, or that the risks of formula still outweigh the risks of these chemicals, or that we need to clear these chemicals from the environment? (Thanks to Aruni for this one.)
Researchers have found that an effective vaccine, provided shortly after birth, would not only protect an infant from contracting HIV while breast-feeding but also could offer long-term or even life-long immunity from the virus, according to the Glaser Foundation. The protective vaccine then would allow HIV-positive mothers to safely breast-feed for an extended period of time, providing infants in resource-poor settings with nutritional and basic health benefits.
Wow! Absolutely outstanding! While here in the United States, passing up breastfeeding for the relative safety of formula isn't always a tough call for HIV positive mothers, it's a life or death choice in third world nations that lack clean water supplies. The idea that medical advances are being made that would allow mothers to breastfeed without fear of passing HIV is just wonderful. Kudos to Bill Gates for funding this type of research!
The Food and Drug Administration backed continuous use of the pill, Lybrel, which is manufactured by Wyeth. Taken daily it can halt a woman's menstrual periods indefinitely, as well as prevent pregnancies. But it may be difficult for the women to recognise if they have become pregnant because Lybrel users will not have regular periods.
Not being a fan of hormonal birth control, (I still blame it for sending my body into anti-ovulation insanity which necessitated fertility drugs for me to get pregnant with Elnora) I wouldn't be tempted by this...but if I was, the section that notes that HALF of the women in the drug trials dropped out "citing irregular and unscheduled bleeding" would have been enough to make me think twice. (Thanks Melissa!)
A simple method of flash-heating breast milk infected with HIV successfully inactivated the free-floating virus, according to a new study led by researchers at the Berkeley and Davis campuses of the University of California. Notably, the technique - heating a glass jar of expressed breast milk in a pan of water over a flame or single burner - can be easily applied in the homes of mothers in resource-poor communities.
Wow, more great news on the breastfeeding and HIV front. It is estimated that more than 40% of the 700K children who get infected with HIV each year have contracted it from extended breastfeeding. As I mentioned above, breast or formula is not an easy choice in countries where children die from simple cases of diarrhea. This simple method could mean a huge life and death difference in the developing world. (Thanks Julia!)
Ten midwives might bring in a caseload equal to that of two obstetricians. But their patient-centered personal care, including 45-minute appointments and continuous emotional support, also means clients tend to leave hospital more quickly, require fewer medical interventions, and receive attentive prenatal and postnatal care. All of which translate to lower costs for the health care system. They are also the only regulated professionals to accommodate home births.
The article states that 40% of women who wish to use midwives are unable to due to lack of availability. Ahh...how I dream of the day that I read an article and see attitudes about midwifery like that here in Ohio! In fact, there's a movement afoot right now in the Ohio legislature to make home birth midwifery illegal, but I'll cover more of that in an upcoming post. (Thanks for sending this Judy!)
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Today's Dear Abby column features a reader letter about a new mom that breastfed in front of her.
DEAR ABBY: A couple of weeks ago, some friends and I visited a family friend's niece who had recently had a baby girl. While we were visiting, we noticed that the baby was hungry.
Being a good mom, the new mother unbuttoned her shirt, took off her bra, and breast-fed the baby right in front of us. Abby, was it right or wrong of her to expose her breasts in front of visitors when breast-feeding the child? -- RACHEL IN PHILADELPHIA
You'll have to click through to read Dear Abby's response...but here's a copy of what I just sent in.
Dear Abby,
I'm writing in response to your letter about the mother who breastfed her new baby in front of her guests.
I'm not sure if you've ever been a new breastfeeding mother, but as someone who spends my days cover this topic, I wanted to point out that while nursing is natural and normal, it's also a learned process. New mothers often need all the "view" they can get to make sure baby is properly positioned and latched on. The first few days after a mother's milk come in can also include painful engorgement of the breasts making even nursing bras highly uncomfortable while nursing.
Finally, I'd note that newborns can sometimes eat as often as every hour. If you match that feeding schedule to the number of guests that tend to parade through to see a new baby, you can imagine how many times a new mom is faced with the task of feeding her child with guests around or of retreating someplace more private. In just the second day of my own child's life I found myself with a hungry baby and a porch full of guests. After a moments hesitation I lifted my shirt and nursed my son. No one minded at all.
I want to commend you for promoting breastfeeding as normal and natural and for pointing out that the mother was in the privacy of her own home, but wanted to offer up an explanation for why some new moms may show a little more skin than even they would like to in those early days. While we all love to curl up with our new babies and just love them, an every hour or two feeding schedule and our own need for adult interaction means that some day, some one is going to see you breastfeeding. The more often it happens, the sooner our country will recognize how much of a difference a supportive attitude can make for new mothers.
Sincerely,
Jennifer Laycock The Lactivist Blog http://thelactivist.blogspot.com
Looking for The Lactivist? She's retired. But you CAN still find Jen blogging. These days, she's runs A Flexible Life. Join her for life, recipes, projects and the occasional rant.
There's a LOT of buzz running right now in the lactivist world about an op-ed piece in the New York Times. The editorial talks about the recent New York City decision to go "baby-friendly" and to keep hospitals from sending ALL moms home with the obligatory black bag from Similac of Enfamil. It's no surprise to hear that not everyone supports the decision, but the post gets an absolute BASIC fact completely and utterly wrong.
(Now, I want to preface this by reminding new readers that The Lactivist is NOT about formula bashing. In fact, if you want to bash formula or moms that use it, I suggest you go elsewhere. This site supports breastfeeding by uplifting nursing moms, not by tearing down formula feeding ones. So let's address this issue with that in mind please and avoid any comments about the author's choice to formula feed.)
Take this quote from the story:
By Day 4 in the hospital, I was a wreck from the pain of the C-section and from trying to nurse with cracked, bleeding nipples that weren't producing milk. The nurses were encouraging and patient with my attempts to breast-feed, but I ultimately decided to bottle-feed my daughter.
The formula samples were a godsend. As a first-time mom who was intending to breast-feed, I had not thought to have formula waiting at home. The perfectly measured samples got us through the first sleepless days until we could get our acts together to buy formula.
Now, I don't know about the rest of you, but even in the "first sleepless days" of motherhood, I could have found a way to run to CVS to buy formula if I'd needed it. (And I live in a village of 3500 people...not in "the city that never sleeps.")
With Caesarean rates skyrocketing in New York City (some hospitals have a nearly 40 percent rate of Caesarean delivery), formula often becomes a necessary part of the equation.
It bothers me that she seems to assume that c-sections and formula must go hand in hand. Granted, there are much higher formula feeding rates for moms that have c-section for a wide variety of reasons...but a c-section in no way makes formula NECESSARY.
Whether bottle-feeding is voluntary or has been dictated by circumstance, neither the government nor the medical establishment should try to manipulate a woman's decision by withholding samples that formula manufacturers are more than happy to provide.
Umm... I agree. The medical establishment should not try to manipulate a woman's decision. Unfortunately, that's exactly what happens when doctors and nurses hand mom a bag of formula and says "Brand X is the best formula" all while watching mom sit there with baby happily nursing away.
Hospitals and government alike should support a mother’s right to decide what is best for her and her child, be it breast-feeding or bottle-feeding. So go ahead, give out the free formula samples: it’s a nice gift, especially on Mother’s Day.
Just. Doesn't. Get. It.
So with that, let me clarify one very important point.
Mothers that give birth in New York City hospitals can still go home with free formula. They simply have to request it now. (There's also no shortage of free formula to be had from OBs, Peds and company web sites.) It annoys me to continue to read about opposition to the "ban the bags" campaigns that focus on the NEED for free formula. Great, take your free formula, but don't send it home with the moms that don't ask for it.
Looking for The Lactivist? She's retired. But you CAN still find Jen blogging. These days, she's runs A Flexible Life. Join her for life, recipes, projects and the occasional rant.
Last week I found myself in a debate with a fellow Lactivist about what exactly it is that we should be fighting for. The conversation was about pump at work bills and whether or not companies should be required to give PAID breaks to pumping moms. I argue that they should have to give breaks, but that they shouldn't have to give paid breaks. (I'll save my reasoning for another post.)
That led us into a conversation about just how far the lactivist battle should go in terms of securing "rights" for breastfeeding moms.
I've long felt convicted that the lactivist battle is one of "equal rights" not one of "special rights."
For example, long-time readers might recall my writing about the Kelly Fuks YMCA incident back in early 2006. In that case, a mom was told that she could not nurse her baby in the pool area. The reason given? Because they had a strict "no food or drink" policy. At the time, I explained my stance that if bottle feeding isn't allowed, then I don't care if breastfeeding isn't allowed.
Again, equal rights, not SPECIAL rights.
The argument that the other woman came back at me with was that we had to make breastfeeding "as easy as bottle feeding" for women to want to do it.
I argued that it would/could never be as "easy" in terms of "freedom" and that breastfeeding moms had to recognize that there were going to be things about breastfeeding that are simply harder than bottle feeding.
In fact, I stated that while we could make breastfeeding "easier" we were never, EVER going to make it "easy" and that moms simply had to accept that breastfeeding, like anything else, has its downsides.
Eek. That opened up a bit of a debate.
So with that little bit of background, you'll have to understand what my brain has been pondering the last few days. I've sat down to write this post a couple of times, but the thoughts just weren't...developed enough yet.
One of the themes that I hear again and again from the lactivist community and from breastfeeding professionals is how much "easier" breastfeeding is than bottle feeding. In fact, some go so far as to say that if it's difficult, you must be doing something wrong.
That bothers me.
Don't get me wrong, there are so many things about breastfeeding that are easier than bottle feeding. On a day to day basis, I'd obviously prefer to simply lift my shirt than to have to go and get a bottle ready. The portability, the ready availability, and of course the wonderful physical closeness is something to be cherished.
But there are some days...days where breastfeeding is...well, when it is a crushing load that can be shouldered by no one but me.
...and that's difficult. Mentally and physically.
Now I know that good moms are supposed to love their children all the time. To revel in the closeness of nursing a child and to get their relaxation through the occasional bubble bath while dad plays with the kids, but I think we do an enormous disservice to breastfeeding moms to not acknowledge how hard it can be.
How hard it is to be on call 24/7 with zero breaks.
ZERO breaks.
When I pumped for Elnora, I sometimes felt like a slave to the pump. It went with me everywhere and I was always keeping an eye on the clock to know when my next pumping session was. That was rough. Pumping when I had the flu, pumping when I was traveling, pumping when I wanted to throw the pump out the window.
But ultimately, when I needed a break...when I needed that moment of sanity that can only come from sitting by yourself in a location free of small children...I could get it. I might have the whir of the pump playing as my background music, but solitude was within reach.
Now however, I find myself with a child that will not take a bottle. That does not sleep through the night. That still nurses roughly every three hours day and night.
In seven months I have had two four hour breaks from my child. Once was late at night after he'd gone to bed when he was ten weeks old. I went out with some friends with cell phone in tow ready to head home the moment it buzzed. The second time was just last week while giving a presentation at Ohio State while my mother-in-law watched the kids.
Both times I spent the entire time worrying that I'd have to make a frantic dash home at any second. I knew that if he got hungry, if he got upset, there was no one that could take care of him but me.
Apart from that, I've been gone for around 2 hours less than 10 times.
Now I love Emmitt. I love Elnora. I adore my children and I know how very blessed I am to be able to work from my home so that I get to spend time with them.
But there are days where I feel trapped. Not because I'm a mom, but because I'm a breastfeeding mom.
Yep, I said it.
As wonderful, as important, as gratifying as breastfeeding is, it's far from easy. Not for the mom that lacks the option of ever leaving a bottle of expressed milk for her child. Not for the mom that hasn't slept more than 4.5 hours straight in over a year.
There are no breaks.
I had the flu last month. The type of flu where you have to sit on the toilet while puking because the force of the puke sends some other ... stuff ... flying out as well. I was at my moms. When Emmitt was hungry, she would come and lay him in my arms. When he was finished, she'd take him and settle him back to sleep. Nursing him was literally all I could do and sometimes she'd have to "catch" him as I jumped up to race to the bathroom.
There are no breaks.
I know that this time period will be brief when compared to my entire life. I know that there is a light at the end of the tunnel. I know that some day, maybe soon, Emmitt will get the hang of a sippy cup and I'll be able to take a much needed afternoon of rest.
But right now, I can't see the light.
And I wonder, are we fooling ourselves, are we harming our cause, are we setting moms up for failure when we try to convince them that breastfeeding is "easy?"
There are days where I look at Emmitt as he nurses and I want to cry with joy because of how beautiful, how precious the moment is. There are other days where I look at him and I want to run away from this never ending cycle.
That doesn't make me a bad mom. And if you're reading this, and you can relate, it doesn't make you a bad mom either. It makes you a real person.
When we become mothers, we do so knowing that we have to give up a little piece of ourselves. We do it because we know that the piece we've given up will be filled to the point of overflowing by the presence of that little person. We do it because we know that most of the things worth doing in life...are difficult.
I call it the "dark side of breastfeeding" because no one seems to want to talk about it. At least not anyone that breastfeeds.
There's this underlying fear that if you talk about it you'll either show yourself to be a bad mother or you'll convince some other woman that she shouldn't breastfeed her child.
Bollocks.
I'm a darn fine mother. I have my faults, but I have few regrets. As for other women and the impact this line of thinking could have on them? They deserve to know both the good and the bad. They deserve the right to make informed choices. They deserve the right to know that breastfeeding may mean, quite literally, being "joined at the nip."
Being a mom is hard. Every choice we make has pros and cons and if you're out there, looking at some other mom and thinking how easy she has it then I suggest you realize that some other mom is looking at YOU thinking the same thing.
There's a dark side to everything. Talking about it? Well that's what brings it into the light.
