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Tuesday, March 06, 2007Now I fully admit, there was a point in time where I thought it was really neat to use my nursing bracelet to keep track of how many times Emmitt ate a day. Mostly because I remained fascinated at the fact that he would sometimes nosh away 15 times in 24 hours. It sort of served as confirmation that I wasn't nuts when I thought that all I was doing was nursing him.
But to take the time to enter all feeding and pumping sessions into a trackable spreadsheet?
Umm...yeah...like that's gonna happen.
Apparently for some moms it must though...Otherwise there would be no market for Baby Manager by BabbleSoft. Apparently, the company feels that there's an untapped market in parents with extreme breastfeeding OCD issues, so they've made available some snazzy (I use the word loosely) new software that will allow these Ezzo-wannabes the absolute, total scheduling control that they long for.
Basically, the software allows you to enter all the minute details of your breastfeeding or pumping life. (Or bottle-feeding if you go that route.) An online database allows you to enter the date, time, length, side and position used for each breastfeeding encounter. Baby Manager then compiles all of the data to provide you with an overall glimpse of your day (just how many hours DID you spend breastfeeding yesterday?), your milk output, and so on.
Since Baby Manager also tracks doses of medicine, the software claims to be able to help you figure out your baby's patterns so that you can better meet their needs. Because really, as we all know, no human being should be trusted to parent on instinct. We need computers and algorithms to tell us how to care for our children.
In fact, the Baby Manager press release reads like something out of a SNL commercial...
"Baby Manager is a software application, with Web and mobile options, designed to help parents figure out their baby's patterns and cues to ensure his health and happiness. No more wondering: "When did baby last eat?" "When did mom last pump or breastfeed?" or "When did baby have his last dose of medicine?" Caregivers can quickly look up the last time baby ate, took medicine, or had her diaper changed to determine whether she might be hungry, tired, need another dose of medicine, or just wants to be held."
Can't you just see Will Farrell holding up an infant by the arm pits with a quizzical look on his face? Suddenly a light bulb goes off over his head and Will gives a big grin to the camera as he pulls out his Blackberry and checks to see that baby was last fed...1.75 hours ago. With a big nod, Will realizes that no child could possibly be hungry just 1.75 after nursing, so he MUST need a diaper change.
Cue announcer: But WAIT! There's MORE!
"What's more, for busy breastfeeding moms, keeping track of pumping and medicine intake helps with the management of stored breast milk. Also, when asked, "What did you do all day?" breastfeeding moms can proudly and confidently show a report online, on a mobile device, or on paper the time they spent feeding their baby which can range from 3 to 6 hours per day (i.e., 20 to 40 hours per week!) depending on the baby and the mom. The application summarizes the data in easy-to-read graphs and reports that can be printed out to show friends, family members, or health care professionals."
I don't know about you, but the last time a family member had the gall to ask me "what did you do all day" they got a talking to that made it clear they were never, ever EVER to ask that question again. At least not until our children were old enough to have children of their own.
Besides, when was the last time your friends and family members sat down with you so that you could "proudly and confidently" show them just how much time you spent feeding your baby in the last few days?
Am I the only one that wonders if this is a gag?
Now as you know, I take my job here at the Lactivist very seriously. That means that I must be on the cutting edge of all baby related technology. (Who knew there was baby-related technology?) So with my loyal readers in mind, I made a beeline for the Baby Manager site and got myself signed up with a test account so that I could "proudly and confidently" show Greg just how much time I spent feeding our child today. (While hoping that he doesn't ask just how much time I wasted while playing with this software...)
Guess what? I spent more time filling in my entries for the day than I do in an average nursing session. Nonetheless, because you, dear readers, are my online "friends and family" I would like to "proudly and confidently" share with you my breastfeeding performance from yesterday.
So enlighten me...am I being a cynic or is this really over-the-top?