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Thursday, February 08, 2007Let it be said...I have no idea how you moms of more than two manage. Especially when it comes to grocery shopping.
Last Saturday I headed off to Giant Eagle with Elnora and Emmitt in tow. Giant Eagle has those new shopping carts where the front is like a little car so your kid can strap in and pretend to drive while you use all your strength to keep from smashing the cart into the obstacle course that the grocery store so lovingly creates with their center of aisle displays.
These work well for us (in theory) because Elnora can ride in the cab and beep the little horn while Emmitt's infant carrier clips into the seat area. The problem on Saturday was that the trip went something like this...
Elnora is thrilled to see the car cart, we MUST get in the car cart, please can I drive the car cart, oh boy! The CAR cart!!! (bearing in mind, these are actions, not words...heaven forbid we actually speak anything intelligible.)
So into the car she goes.
NO! Nora will strap the lap belt herself!!!
We move five feet.
HELP!!!!!! I can't strap the lap belt!!!
I help. We move 10 feet.
NOOOOOOOOOOOOO! I don't want the lap belt strapped!!!!
We unstrap the belt, I explain that we must have it one way or the other. The response is that Nora would like to ride in the cart without a lap belt strapped.
Rinse and repeat the above scenario.
Pretty soon the cart comes dragging to a halt. Why? Because my two year old has climbed out the window and is being dragged alongside the cart.
So I show Elnora how to help me push the cart...except now I'm forced to reach way over to push the cart without stepping on her. At this point I sort of look like I'm shuffling along with a really bad case of hemroids or something. Of course anytime she notices that I'm pushing the cart instead of her, she's upset.
We stop and have a talk about grocery carts and busy stores and we talk about simply holding on to the cart while mommy pushes. This seems to work for awhile...until I discover that mystery items are being added to the cart. Apparently Elnora has a shopping list of her own.
So me, being the brilliant woman that I am decide that it might be a good idea to simply carry her, after all, she only weighs 20-some pounds.
Ever try to carry twenty some pounds of squirming two year old while pushing a grocery cart that looks like a dump truck and requires a linebacker to turn it? Yeah...exactly.
Suddenly I realize that something reeks and it's not the quickly wilting produce in my cart. No, Elnora has just filled her pants with the foulest excrement known to man. So now, I'm carrying a rancid two year old while knocking people and displays askew as I drive this monstrosity of a cart down the aisles toward the nearest rest room.
This entire time Emmitt stays blissfully asleep.
We change the diaper, load everyone back into the cart and Miss Nora decides to try driving the car again.
That actually gets us to the point where we can head to the checkout. I won't even go into the details on that...let's just say it involved no less than THREE broken checkout machines, a very confused old man, Elnora on TOP of the grocery cart car and a freaked out store employee who seemed convinced that Elnora was about to die at any moment.
Today we went to Meijer...there were no car grocery cars (ha! like we would have tried that again anyway!) so Elnora sat in the basket of the cart. Every time I turned to get something out of a dairy case or freezer case she would stand up slowly spin in a circle and sing "ohhhhh-eeeeeee-ohhhhhh-eeeeee" over and over again.
And THAT my friends is why every time I go to the grocery store with both of my children I feel perfectly justified in spending $3 on the tiny little bottle of fruitopian goodness known as Naked Juice or Odwalla.