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Poop Up To Your Shoulder Blades

Looking for The Lactivist? She's retired. But you CAN still find Jen blogging. These days, she's runs A Flexible Life. Join her for life, recipes, projects and the occasional rant.

Wednesday, January 03, 2007

No, not really YOUR shoulder blades and certainly not mine. But if I was making that statement to my son, it would be accurate.

Now obviously breastfed babies have slightly different pooping patterns than their formula fed counter-parts. Even among breastfed babies, poop can have a lot of variation. When Elnora was an infant, she very rarely had blow-outs. In fact, she only ever had ONE that I can remember and that was when she was three weeks old. (Incidentally, she had that blow-out in my lap while at Thanksgiving dinner with my in-laws. Woo-wee, fun!) Elnora usually pooped about every other day and it was never anything that the diaper couldn't handle.

Emmitt on the other hand...we'll let's just say he's a "save it up" kinda kid. He often goes 4 to 5 days between poops. But when he lets loose....BLAAAAAMMMMOOOOOOOOOOO!

Just twenty minutes ago I was holding him in my lap and felt him let it rip. Now I know better than to open up a diaper after a single explosion...there are always two or three more on the way. So we sat here for about five more minutes while he went through his repertoire of the butt trumpet's greatest hits.

I changed him. No biggie, just a pretty full diaper.

We settled back in, him in my lap, me reading some forums and he began his encore performance. I gave him five minutes again, just to make sure he was finished, then I ventured in for clean-up duties. Let's just say I'm going to buy stock in wet wipes. I never knew what people meant when they talked about using dozens of wipes on one diaper change. (ok, sure, I've seen my husband do it, but we all know that men are so fearful of having poop seep onto their hands that they use an inch thick layer of wipes "just in case") Then I had Emmitt. Poopy diapers require at LEAST four to five "good" wipes. More than that if I'm using cheapo ones. It also takes at least one or two wipes JUST to work through the fat folds. Apparently babies that qualify for Goodyear tire auditions require extra wiping.

Today wasn't even a bad day. At least ten times since he's been born, he's pooped so copiously that it filled his diaper front and back, leaked up and out the top and smeared poop all the way up to his shoulder blades. Not only does that require pretty much a full bath to remedy, but it almost makes it impossible to get a onesie off without smearing poop all over his head. (Do you think that's where the term sh!t-head came from?) In fact, I've hand-washed enough poopy clothes to make it worth my while to buy a washboard off of eBay.

Maybe it's just a boy thing. Maybe I got used to the nice, dainty poops of a sweet little girl. After all, sugar, spice, everything nice? None of that takes up much space. On the other hand, have you ever SEEN how much space frogs and snails and puppy dog tails take up? If that's what little boys are made of, it's no wonder their diapers are so full.

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  1. Anonymous Damien McKenna | 3:21 PM |  

    I've a niece who was like that, nothing for several days then HOLEYSHNUCKIESGETTHEFIREHOSE! I'm glad we didn't babysit them often ;-) Our 3yo hasn't had too much of a problem with that, if anything he upsets his mom more because of the frequency, typically more than one and often up to three or four.

  2. Anonymous d. feldman | 6:30 AM |  

    Well over the holidays my sugar&spice has also settled into a pattern of nothing for days and then OMG! a pyroclastic flow.

    Thankfully, I was aware of the "sh*t socks" phenomenon due to being rather older than my baby brother.

    We call it a 'tear down', as in, "That baby was a full tear down." Meaning we don't even bother with wipes, we toss the clothes (sometimes ours as well) into the diaper laundry bag and take our poo-slicked darling straight to the sink.

  3. Blogger Jennifer | 6:37 AM |  

    LOL re: the tear down.

    I'm so glad to hear that we're not the only one reproducing the Bellagio show out the back of a pair of Luvs.

    That said, it's it amazing how poop really doesn't become that big a deal over time? My husband still kinda freaks out about those types of diapers, especially if he *gasp* gets some on his hands...but eh...whatever. You can only be puked on and pooped on so many times before it's just another thing you have to wipe off.

  4. Anonymous Melissa | 9:03 AM |  

    In our house the call is "Man down! Man down!" or sometimes "Clean up in Aisle 5!". :-)

    I have a very sweet little girl who reminds me of your son. She'll go a few days in between and then she'll make that little funny face, grunt a few times, and then you better watch your fingers, toes, hands, and clothes. My husband still talks about "the Big One of November 2006" where she managed to shoot poop up her back and almost into the little tuft of hair at the back of her head. We have fun discussions about harnessing the power of that G-force it must take to accomplish something like that and selling it to NASA. We've had several ventures of "straight to the bath with you little miss!". My husband thinks she is a disgusting little creature (said fondly) while I just laugh my butt off. After all, it's just poop right? (or barf or drool or boogers or . . . .)

  5. Blogger Judy | 1:41 PM |  

    I guess I should feel blessed that my little darling poops about every ten minutes.

    I'm in a Yahoo! group about sewing your own cloth diapers, and there are frequent discussions about fabrics and diaper designs to contain breastfed baby poop.

    I guess that's why.

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